Am i a bad person ??
This year is truly not my year. Everything went from down hill to rock bottom. There are no words to describe what i went through this year. Of course i understand that everyone go through their bad time in some point. But i feel like everything is hitting me all at once. I feel strengthless. I feel like i no longer have the energy to fight for this battle. My woe has not even heal yet, another woe comes along.
I once believe that. When you do good. Good things will happen to you. Or treat other people like how you would like to be treated. But i’m starting to realize the return might not always be the same. I am starting to question myself about my beliefs. Because i don’t feel like good things happen to good people. Ever heard ” good people finish last” ? I don’t think i’m a saint. But i do try to be good. Am i not doing enough?!
Am i a bad person for not wanting to go back to a place where i no longer feel happy. A place where i feel trap and suffocated. To a person i gave up hope for. Like the word “promise” no longer have any meaning to me. Like a bird singing but don’t know what it really means. I see him but only fear and sadness comes out of me.
I am tired……just tired. Wish i could just completely shut down and . . .
to be continue……….